tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86233541789949786652024-03-14T05:13:14.424-04:00Failing UpwardsA blog dedicated to highlighting the phenomenon of Failing Upwards; stupid people getting ahead. Stupidly.Failing Upwardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04796551682961694762noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8623354178994978665.post-28239157620429276682010-01-13T21:35:00.007-05:002010-01-18T13:10:07.276-05:00A Real Life Milton Waddams: Bearing Witness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi24TYV0-eyBMJovd8yjYRuVWAUwgLcEk9UctDkxzW91OaVcQ6pD_skoQhuEdRxJ1EmDKjJPtVrJwQZvxrA90PEjwyA0LBJ2IcSdKjsqQWfxO-885eqq4TlsWVEOv9cFi3X-CBxZnndL8/s1600-h/Milton+Waddams.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi24TYV0-eyBMJovd8yjYRuVWAUwgLcEk9UctDkxzW91OaVcQ6pD_skoQhuEdRxJ1EmDKjJPtVrJwQZvxrA90PEjwyA0LBJ2IcSdKjsqQWfxO-885eqq4TlsWVEOv9cFi3X-CBxZnndL8/s320/Milton+Waddams.jpg" /></a><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Milton Waddams-ed. v. to have one’s job responsibilities and job slowly and systematically taken away from you without one noticing or acting. </b></span><br />
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</div><o:p> </o:p><o:p></o:p> <i>We’ve all seen Office Space. This is a true story of a very real Milton Waddams-ing, but without the happy ending. Hold on to your staplers, kids. </i><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">At one of my former places of employment, we had a Director. We’ll call her Melinda. She was in charge of different events that were put on throughout the year, namely two large events, one really big and one suburban.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">The organization at the company was such that there was the Big Boss, then a few directors, then associate directors and so forth and so on. She was, given that structure, considerably senior in the organization.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">As I mentioned, her main duties were two large events throughout the year. Nice woman, Melinda. Sweet and dumb as a stump, but a bit of a worker and knew how to get people to do a lot for her. Other than one event failure in three years, she generally met and exceeded the requirements of her job. She wasn’t, as was the office culture, embroiled in any of the nonsense and avoided gossip. She was generally innocuous. Until it was time to throw someone under the bus.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">The Big Boss, who will surely be the topic of columns in the future, had made a habit of throwing people under the bus to avoid too many glances in her direction. She couldn’t lead a fish to water, but she was in charge of our company and whenever it became evident that under her leadership we were failing MISERABLY, she predictably found a charge to go after, build a case against and fire. <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">Melinda was her latest Target. <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">And thus, our office became a living, breathing version of Office Space and her systematic Milton Waddams-ing commenced.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>Step One.</b><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A new Director – a Senior Director (a shiny new title!) – was brought on to oversee Melinda and one other Director. This was a brand new position that made absolutely no sense and wasn’t affordable given our financial failures at the time. Furthermore, as the responsibility had been hers before, it meant that Big Boss had less to do (which was saying something) while maintaining her significant salary.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>Step Two.</b><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">The office space itself was small and there were only a handful of offices with doors. I, who was not a Director, but an Associate Director, had one as did my neighbor, who was also an Associate. We were the only two non-Directors with offices, if you don’t count the ghetto-ass but untouchable “admin” who worked only to find ways to avoid work. (She clearly had an office with a door, how else was she to shop, talk on the phone and IM without interruption?! Be sensible.)<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">The new Senior Director had been hired and was starting in the next week. Clearly with a title as big as that, they would need an office. Big Boss played like she was considering moving different employees but at the end of the day, Melinda would be moved. To a cube. People junior to her, including the waste-of-a-salary “admin”, and to be fair, myself, were left in offices with doors. <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>Step Three.</b> <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Of the two major events Melinda was responsible for, the largest of them, was taken away from her and given to an outside firm – one that costs money to use. Her MAIN JOB RESPONSIBILITY was being given to another and they were paying them in addition to paying her. More than that, and without telling her, the new Senior Director was the liaison for the event, looping Melinda out of all talks about the event, meetings, everything. <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">Watching from the sidelines for the six months that they Milton Waddams-ed her, I was growing increasingly furious with her for not seeing what was being done to her. You would try, as much as you possibly could, to say, hey, doll, they’re packing you up over here, notice anything? Ever seen Office Space? Hang on to your Swingline, sister, you’re in for it. <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>Step Four.</b><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Then came That Friday. I had heard grumblings that after six months of torture they were finally, mercifully going to give Melinda the heave-ho. Knowing that information makes going to work that much more nauseating. <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">When I got to work, I learned almost immediately, that when Melinda got up that morning she immediately went to check her bank balance, as she did every payday. When she signed in, she was perplexed to see not one, but two pay deposits in her account for approximately four to five times her normal earnings. Honest to a fault, she chalked it up to error and decided to call payroll when she got to work.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">When she got to work, she dutifully called payroll immediately. She explained that something was wrong and, after reviewing her pay stubs online, she had been accidentally paid out all of her vacation. The clever and classy Human Resource representative jumped into action and inquired: “Have you not spoken to Big Boss yet? Today is your last day.”<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">She then went to Big Boss to learn what on earth was happening to her only to find Big Boss and Senior Director in a meeting. That lasted hours. They made her wait. And wait some more. They waited until after lunch to tell her to her face that she was being let go, even after having received the call from Human Resources that she was aware of what was happening to her. <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">She’d been Milton Waddams-ed.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">I still hope she sets fire to the place. <br />
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Failing Upwardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04796551682961694762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8623354178994978665.post-89827018675111216952010-01-13T20:31:00.003-05:002010-01-14T13:25:33.791-05:00NBC Drama: The Blame GameSeen on Twitter earlier: <br />
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<b>zuck (v): To rise to power despite utter ineptitude at every turn; to fail upwards</b><br />
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First off, let me state that I "stand with Coco" on this issue. I think NBC mucked everything up by even thinking of putting Leno on at 10. It reeked of frugality and lacked all creativity and vision; why pay for a quality new television show (that you could potentially syndicate into the ether a la Law & Orders 1, 2, 3, & 4) when you can throw up an incredibly cheap talk show? (Sidebar: Jeff Goldblum needs to be banned from acting under the threat of death.) Most important? Conan's funnier. The End. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipUkJAW8N2p7q2A74YZjzKbSLzthhl9IX3uKUYWLKF5MbXnn3OQSy84LkHw6edDD-HITGgFlzG05fsyVPP50u_ku0fEjXLZ2wbw7PQ54pbshBTcV-BcKXF-EYOMjJuJGZR5wFrnhlahBE/s1600-h/Jeff+Zucker.htm" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipUkJAW8N2p7q2A74YZjzKbSLzthhl9IX3uKUYWLKF5MbXnn3OQSy84LkHw6edDD-HITGgFlzG05fsyVPP50u_ku0fEjXLZ2wbw7PQ54pbshBTcV-BcKXF-EYOMjJuJGZR5wFrnhlahBE/s200/Jeff+Zucker.htm" /></a>That being said, I think it warrants mentioning that Leno? Was never into any of this. He was perfectly content helming The Tonight Show, regularly beating Letterman in the ratings. Unfortunately for him, NBC didn't want to lose Conan. But the fact remains that Leno was never behind any of the moves that were made, and, in light of all that, the requisite anger and frustration should be directed where it belongs. To the top. Namely, NBC Universal Chief Executive, Jeff Zucker. <br />
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<br />
I understand he was promoted based on his work on The Today Show. The Today Show that now runs from 6am to 3pm. Daily. The same show that features <b>an hour</b> with Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford, otherwise known as the most painful hour on television (not counting Fox News). And what exactly did Jeff bring to The Today Show? Concerts? My god, that's revolutionary! Musicians? Playing music? On MORNING TELEVISION. Zucker transformed The Today Show from a topical morning show to one where Balloon Guy gets six feature segments an hour. Now, while there, he certainly brought the ratings, so we'll give him that. But since taking over NBC, other than expanding many of their cable Networks, what has Zucker done other than drive NBC to last in the ratings? The Leno/Conan Debacle of 2010 seems to me just a final straw in a long list of failures that will likely ensure he reamain at the top for ten to fifteen more years. Clearly.Failing Upwardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04796551682961694762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8623354178994978665.post-38163147879982194712009-12-16T18:58:00.000-05:002009-12-16T18:58:03.890-05:00A Failing Upwards Example<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipx-Vslwxr0K-4RkTBo1uKjOdC2f2Ju6Vk0S9YjelDvw2A57wK7ETJ6-gPeu4yj2wNxP9gAS_jqfbLLAOWmg78o5bqNHVZlR_RQPeBEtKMGJNodnBLQgcXBueMxMbvzp-yoiK2nc94C3k/s1600-h/SEC+Logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipx-Vslwxr0K-4RkTBo1uKjOdC2f2Ju6Vk0S9YjelDvw2A57wK7ETJ6-gPeu4yj2wNxP9gAS_jqfbLLAOWmg78o5bqNHVZlR_RQPeBEtKMGJNodnBLQgcXBueMxMbvzp-yoiK2nc94C3k/s400/SEC+Logo.jpg" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/10/where_are_they_now_sec.php">Failing Upward, SEC and Madoff Catchup</a><br />
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Here's a great overview of where some of the SEC'ers responsible for oversight of the Madoff funds have moved on to. No surprise, they appear to have Failed Upwards. <br />
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Shocking. I know.Failing Upwardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04796551682961694762noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8623354178994978665.post-53478026021069584342009-12-14T19:24:00.003-05:002009-12-14T19:29:06.376-05:00A Failing Upwards Example<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicLj-17BAbD5wZFOH27YlYxC5mtKQTaWXDLuIPCxe5__6V6A0jNnqb4NUTMf13-eRkIVvgxvyj9TUepf6ozK7ld1_ysWDMMzfkdZl8yaSWmbw2ODg1bCuKTgKHa2rL5VzHkjUPlHQ4Vbk/s1600-h/NY+Mag+Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicLj-17BAbD5wZFOH27YlYxC5mtKQTaWXDLuIPCxe5__6V6A0jNnqb4NUTMf13-eRkIVvgxvyj9TUepf6ozK7ld1_ysWDMMzfkdZl8yaSWmbw2ODg1bCuKTgKHa2rL5VzHkjUPlHQ4Vbk/s400/NY+Mag+Cover.jpg" /></a><br />
</div><a href="http://nymag.com/news/business/62259/"></a><a href="http://nymag.com/news/business/62259/">http://nymag.com/news/business/62259/</a><br />
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I recognize that this article is a few weeks old, but the content relates directly to Failing Upwards. Note that many of those responsible for the financial crisis have largely moved on (to bigger and better positions, I'm sure) and others are left to clean up the mess. I would feel badly about that if it wasn't likely that they were similarly douchetastic and would have forged the same path if given the opportunity.Failing Upwardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04796551682961694762noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8623354178994978665.post-91283461946244167012009-12-10T21:15:00.001-05:002009-12-14T19:31:44.288-05:00Inconceivable<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">"I do not think that word means what you think it means." - The Princess Bride</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"></span><b>Conversate</b></span>.<br />
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It is not a word.<br />
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I don't care how many times you use it, be it written or spoken, it is not a word. I looked. Again. It is considered slang - at best. The verb you are looking for when you foolishly say that you need to "conversate" with someone? Is simple.<br />
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Its CONVERSE.<br />
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Let this be a lesson that whenever you attempt to make yourself seem smarter or more literate by making a word longer, the exact opposite occurs.Failing Upwardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04796551682961694762noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8623354178994978665.post-16741947344236850792009-12-02T15:31:00.003-05:002009-12-14T19:31:11.426-05:00Inconceivable<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">"I do not think that word means what you think it means." - The Princess Bride</span><br />
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<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"> </span>Oh, Tom.....<br />
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I told you Tom would quickly become a site favorite. Here's his most recent faux pas.<br />
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"The greatest challenge in 2009 for the program was a major lack of funding and <b>consecrated</b> effort from those responsible for revenue."<br />
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Consecrated? I mean, clearly he meant concentrated but he wanted to go further, aim higher, look.....smarter. Until he didn't. <br />
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How does one consecrate an effort anyway?Failing Upwardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04796551682961694762noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8623354178994978665.post-68478672862879217432009-11-24T18:09:00.003-05:002009-11-24T18:15:16.281-05:00And in the beginning<meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"></meta><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 10" name="Generator"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 10" name="Originator"></meta><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CMPC%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">Since I have decided to start a blog dedicated to showcasing stupid people getting ahead, I would like to clarify a few things.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">I am no rocket scientist. I have not, nor ever will, find the cure for cancer. I have not solved math equations that have gone unsolved for decades before me. I will not draft the perfect legal brief freeing groups of oppressed people from tyranny. . No. I’m yet another cog in the wheel who’s spent more than enough time commiserating with friends and family about people in power making bad decisions and being rewarded. And then doing it all over again.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">I’m fairly sure it all started years ago when I made the both best and worst employment decision of my life and took a job in the airline industry. Not, mercifully, as anything in the air, but on the customer service side of things. The job was bad. I mean, <i>bad, bad</i>. When you weren’t dealing with the traveling public – en masse – you were surrounded by grossly incompetent supervisors and managers. These will, undoubtedly, comprise more than enough posts later but suffice to say I’ve seen badgers with more going on then some of those I “reported to” while serving my time there.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">Since that time, I’ve been fascinated with the concept of Failing Upwards - the act of failing and being rewarded. Many of the people I have seen advance in their careers are people I wouldn’t feel safe leaving my pet rock with for the weekend. And I’m not alone. Conferring with friends from all professional walks of life, I am constantly reminded that failing upwards is not a unique concept and instead something all of us routinely experience. It’s a maddening phenomenon watching the incapable advance. <br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">Failing Upwards is the vehicle to vent and to turn the phenomenon from painful to funny. Kinda.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">This is going to be fun!<br />
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Failing Upwardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04796551682961694762noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8623354178994978665.post-91437406836870518402009-11-24T13:37:00.001-05:002009-11-24T13:52:06.123-05:00Inconceivable<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">"I do not think that word means what you think it means." - The Princess Bride</span><br /><br />While I feel I should start the blog off with an uproarious example of failing upwards, I feel compelled to do the opposite and begin with the <span style="font-weight: bold;">Inconceivable</span> Feature. Named after the great line in The Princess Bride where Inigo Montoya tells the great criminal Vizzini that he doesn't think the word he's using means what he thinks it does (since everything he says is inconceivable keeps happening) this feature is dedicated to all of those who routinely misuse and mangle the words we hold so dear. <br /><br />I have a colleague. We'll call him Tom. I suspect that, in time, Tom will become a Failing Upwards star for his continued slaughter of the English language. There is not a time when he is speaking that he is not saying "um, like, you know, um, like, you know" - all together like that and couching every single sentence. One of my personal Tom favorites, however, is his constant use of "In any cases". You know! <br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">In any cases</span>, the shipment won't be here by Thursday like we'd hoped. <br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">In any cases</span>, I'm allergic to peanuts anyway. <br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">In any cases</span>, I hate proper english. <br /><br />No matter how many times people have attempted to use the singular phrase correctly with him, he continues to make "case" plural. Even more? Tom fancies himself rather a brainiac, gifted with an extensive vocabulary, which only serves to heighten the hilarity. <br /><br />Who's your Tom (or Toms, goodness knows there are more!) and what words are they slaughtering?Failing Upwardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04796551682961694762noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8623354178994978665.post-26756936508261577562009-11-24T13:22:00.000-05:002009-11-24T14:03:17.478-05:00<span style="font-weight: bold;">Failing Upwards. A Working Definition.</span><br /><br />The act of failing at a task and being rewarded.<br /><br />See: most CEOs, many of our colleagues and even more of our superiors.Failing Upwardshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04796551682961694762noreply@blogger.com2